How to Communicate With Your Children
"If we live in the spirit, let us also walk in the spirit" (Galatians 6:25).
Communication is the key to any good relationship and it is a wonderful way to build a home. Good communication between the husband and the wife helps the children to learn the skill of communication inside and outside the home, when dealing with other relationships (relative, friends, teachers...).
Parents who are using negative communications can have very damaging effects on their children:
- Lecturing: can cause children to stop listening or talking and become defensive
- Interrupting: can give kids the feeling that parents do not care to listen to what the children have to say and that discourages the children from expressing themselves
- Criticizing: can cause the children to be resentful and disrespectful
- Dwelling on past issues that have already been addressed: Can make the children angry and hurt
- Finding solution to the problem without giving the child a chance to use his skills to solve the problem can cause low self-esteem
To build a great relationship with the children, positive communication should be used on a daily basis. Parents can ask the child about his interests, feelings, opinions, concerns. And that will make the child feel:
- Loved
- Respected
- Appreciated
- Able to share his thoughts
- Understood
It is a good idea to start the skill of communication while the children are young. Children tend to ask too many questions, usually to get:
- Attention
- Learn new things
How to communicate with a young child?
- Establish respect and trust
- Sit at the child's level
- Make eye contact
- Listen attentively to what he is saying
- Ask simple questions in such a way that he can understand
- Acknowledge his feelings
- Speak in a calm voice
- Give positive input
- Remind him with the family rules and values
How to increase communication?
- Reading to your child every day will develop language skills, encourage him to ask questions, and help you to learn his concerns.
- Have a family meeting when situations need to be verified or changes need to be made
- A special outing to a museum or a park or something the child chooses
- Make a habit of communicating with your child on a daily basis to have an idea at to what his day was like outside the home
- Have play time as a family or one on one
- Have Bible study as a family to share your beliefs and values with your children
What can parents do when a situation arises?
- Set a time without any interruptions
- Pray together for wisdom
- Work on one situation at a time
- Clearly identify the problem
- Speak calmly and to the point
- Make an effort to treat each other with respect
- Ask the child about what he feels
- Tell the child what you feel
- Give the child a chance to come up with a plan to solve the situation
- Brain storm together to find the best solution
- Agree on a solution and put it in action
- Be loving and compassionate regardless to what happened
- Be willing to forgive and forget
In order to have successful communications, parents need to change some of their attitudes and work on new skills. It is also a good idea to add to their vocabulary some phrases such as "thank you, please, you are welcome" in order to teach young children good manners.
Some phrases parents can use for communication
| Very good | Good for you |
| I like the way you | I am proud of you |
| I appreciate what you | I am pleased that you |
| I am glad that we had this conversation | |
| I am happy that we get to spend time together | |
May "The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail" (Isaiah 58:11).