Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States
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I am getting involved with someone. There were a couple concerns I had, but I'm not sure if they are valid. One thing is he doesn't seem to be as involved in the church as I am. He goes to the Liturgy every week, but he's not a servant, although I do believe he is a deacon, and he definitely does have good values. I just kind of wanted someone who would attend servants’ meetings with me and with whom I can discuss the service and its challenges - but maybe I'm being too picky here.

Also, he hadn't spoken to his father of confession for one year because of a misunderstanding and I think he got upset. When I brought it up, he immediately took action to contact his father of confession again or to get a new one. This is a good sign in that he understands the need for a confession father, but I wish it had come from him and not from the fact I brought it up to him. But again, maybe I'm being too picky.

What is important in selecting a mate is overall compatibility. This is a young man, who according to you, regularly attends the Divine Liturgy weekly and has good values. Being a servant in the church does not necessarily have to mean that he is entrenched in every aspect of the formal service and holds some kind of position as "servant." Many people serve best from the sidelines. Unselfish spouses that are spiritually mature can usually appreciate the value of service enough to be able to serve by being supportive of their spouses' services and by allowing and encouraging them to serve to the best of their abilities. With him being somewhat distant from the commotion of the usual service, you may be able to confide in him better than in others, to discuss with him the challenges of the service, and to benefit from a truly objective perspective. Therefore, his values are really the key to your compatibility in terms of your love for the service. You also need to be mindful to take interest in him and whatever interests him, as well. It is not prudent to only talk about the service and all that it pertains. You must also give him his share of you, your time, your undivided attention, concerns, laughter, and the same joys and passions you experience in the service or any other compartment in your life. Therefore, it is wise to keep a healthy balance.

In general, men and boys seek to confess less and spend less time during their confessions than do girls and women. Not to stereotype, but females are far more verbose, experience more guilt, want to share their feelings, are emotionally aroused easier, and demand more comforting during their confessions. If this young man had refused you prodding into his personal affairs in to seek to rectify his relationship with his Confession Father or to find another one, this could have been problematic. The fact is that he was receptive to you and probably just needed a gentle reminder. Being receptive to good advice shows wisdom. Unfortunately, because of pride, or the misunderstanding of what is one's dignity, some people, especially men, may have rejected any kind of hint or nudge coming from a woman. Here again, he is telling you that you are free to help him grow spiritually, as well. These personal matters can usually be quite delicate and need to be approached in a respectful manner. The method and tone of voice which you used when you made this suggestion seemed to work.
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