In many ways, I have suffered all my life from the consequences of the sexual abuse I experienced from a relative. My marriage is a failure. Although we never fight, and we respect each other very much, my husband probably does not know that I could care less if I lived another day with him or not. Deep in my heart, I respect him and wish him all the best always. He is a kind man, but he is also someone who never reached my heart or felt my needs and weaknesses. I am now 43, middle age, and I am deeply depressed. We never had children because I could not conceive, and he did not care to pursue this matter.
I am depressed and lonely. All that is on my mind is one of two options: 1) I want a divorce and to just live alone. I do not have any interest in having another relationship. I just want to live alone because this is how I feel in life. I feel lonely. 2) I would rather if God took me now and not later. Of course, I am not about to do either of these two options. I have a father of confession and I share everything with him. He is a wise man, and does what he can.
My question is, since I pray a lot, and God does not want to interfere yet, in His time I know, I made the decision to see a psychiatrist, and to seek some anti-depressant medicine. What do you think?
I am constantly crying when I am alone, and I dread thinking about the future. I see no light, no hope, and no reason to go on. I have no idea why I continue in this life!
How do you feel about anti-depressant medicines?
Antidepressants are often very useful medicines. Since the depression in your case is due to certain incidences, you must also deal with these issues and seek counseling along with the use of medicines. Your husband is a gift from God; someone whom God has sent to help and compensate you, so that in some way, you can have a sense of intimate security with a man, rather than the awful insecurity you experienced with this abusive relative. Even if your husband cannot fully understand your struggles, he is there for you. Learn to lean on him and do not allow your victimization to control any more of your life. You've had a new beginning since you were loosened from the clutches of this perpetrator. I am very sorry that you had to go through such pain as a young girl, but the shame is on the perpetrator, i.e., the thief who despicably robbed you from your innocence, and none of the shame is at all on you. You have overcome and will continue to overcome through the guidance and embrace of the Holy Spirit, your Witness, and the only One who endured your pain with you. You will know Godís intervention when you allow yourself to live in Him and through Him. Despite all the pain you have endured, God's mighty hand will be clear to you when you realize the strength of mind and spirit that He gave you and the good you will do thereafter, regardless of what has been done unto you. I pray that God, the true Comforter, will give you solace and strength to live life to its fullest in Him and to enjoy the company of all the kind people He purposely placed in your life.