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I am a convert. I did not convert for marriage. I became Orthodox Christian because I prayed and asked God to help me to find the Church, and He placed me here. I love God with my whole heart, and I am Christian. It is terribly lonely in the Coptic Church for people like me. I don't attend church regularly because I feel so alone when I go. I want to serve, but I am afraid. I want to attend this convention, but I am afraid that I will look odd and not fit in, and that I won't understand the conversations, so I will have no one to talk to. To others, this might seem foolish. But, if one can imagine being from Egypt and immigrating to China, and then on top of that going to church with Zulu people in China. That's how I feel. I am also from another country and I am here in America going to church with Egyptian people. The Christian faith is mine, but the Coptic/Egyptian culture is not mine. I cry a lot because I thought that church was supposed to feel like family, but when I go to church on Sundays, I get dressed and go to Egypt for Liturgy. It's uncomfortable and strange to me. I am crying even now because I did not imagine that becoming an Orthodox Christian would be this hard. We are all Christians and we all have the similar struggles, but I think that people who are not ethnically Coptic have a different set of struggles. Mine are as follows:

1. Feeling alienated because of language and culture


2. Having no particular social circle because of my age and marital status


3. Wanting to serve and feeling unqualified and afraid of rejection and failure


4. Dealing with what I perceive as disorganized almost random approach to planning activities, spiritual or otherwise


5. Having no spiritual support apart from my Father of Confession


6. Thinking about no longer being a Coptic Orthodox Christian because of all the above


7. Dreading the thought of going back to my old way of life because then I would no longer be a Christian

It is absolutely true that God has brought you to the Coptic Orthodox Church for your salvation and eternal life. You should never doubt that. Nonetheless, we also recognize that God created humans with a social need, and I understand how this important need is not being fulfilled in your life due to the awkward feeling of not belonging. It is certainly safer and wiser to associate with people of the same faith rather than to turn to people immersed in the world, who will persist to attempt to corrupt your good values. I agree with you, in that it must feel very uncomfortable to feel unwelcomed, and always as an outsider. But having been baptized and confirmed in the Coptic Orthodox Church, you must believe that you have as much right to be a child of Christ in this church as does every other baptized person in the same church. I am truly very sorry that your social experience in the church has been negative to this point. From a cultural perspective, the Copts are usually quite social. Some are more than others. Perhaps due to language barriers and maybe a lack of understanding of other cultures or sub-cultures, some Copts isolate themselves, not only from other cultures, but some even of the same faith and culture insulate themselves from other Coptic Churches because they begin to perceive differences rather than similarities even within their own identity. This is not an uncommon adjustment for people all over the world, not only amongst the Coptic community. Having said that, do not let that deter you. Many churches in the Diocese have begun ministries to welcome non-Egyptian congregants. If your church does not have this ministry in place, then ask your confession father if he can initiate one. If this ministry exists in your church, then get more involved and pro-active by making suggestions for improving this much needed ministry. I am sure that the servants there will be cooperative for the good of the whole community. You are more than welcome to attend this convention. I would also encourage you to attend your church on a regular basis. The more you attend, the more familiar people will become with you and eventually, you will build a circle of friends and acquaintances. It will take time. I hear similar concerns and discomforts even from Egyptians who transfer to different locations. It is something we all need to pray for, work at, and be willing to improve together. Yes, your soul matters greatly to God, and to us, as well, because you are one of us.