Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States
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I am of age to get married. I recently met a girl with whom I started talking. All of our interests are lining up and we are mostly on the same page. The only thing is that she just told me that in her past relationship, she lost her virginity and she regrets it so much and considers that it was a huge mistake. I understand people make mistakes, but I am not sure how to handle this situation. This is my first time where I encountered this problem. I am not in a position to judge her and at the same time I am trying to put it behind me. I do not feel that one bad decision in life can make you less of a person. So my question is has this scenario happened before and if so, did it cause problems after marriage or not?

Neither situation is new nor is it common, but unfortunately, more and more it is becoming common. Premarital relations become most problematic in marriage when one spouse discovers or suspects that the other spouse has had these past relations. The problem is less noticed when the spouses were honest with each other prior to marriage. Perhaps this is because the marriage either did not take place following the revelation of one's past sexual experiences or because their honesty actually saved their relationship and they were able to proceed without incidence regarding these previous relations. This young lady's decision to reveal this very private and embarrassing information that took place a while ago and for which she expressed deep regrets is admirable because she could have chosen not to disclose any of this information and maintain her dignity in your eyes. Her immediate honesty versus her loss of virginity is a difficult decision that only you can make. If you decide to leave her, you do not know if your next potential relationship may have similar secrets or perhaps other things. On the other hand, if you decide to stay with her and proceed with your relationship unto marriage, you must be able to put this disclosure completely behind you and never bring it up again. Repentance cleanses the slate clean and is restorative. Thus, if she sincerely repented, it is as if she is still a virgin—spiritually. Either decision requires prayer and humbleness of heart. At the end, it is your decision. If you can forgive and forget completely, you may move forward. If not, it is better to leave her.
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