Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States
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I am born and raised in America and I am engaged to a man in Egypt who has never come here.

He recently got his degree and wants to apply his education to get a prestigious job. He feels he is wasting time in Egypt because he said that if he finds a job out there, it would be long term and that I should move out there with him, so he has not taken the offers yet.

He is taking extra courses to pass time with productivity, and asked me if I have started the fianc├ę visa: I have not.

I am scared of starting it and then realizing that he is not the man for me. I am terrified because marriage is for life and I do not want an unhappy marriage. I was so sure of him in the beginning but there have been a lot of issues, so now I am beginning to doubt.

We spoke a few days ago and he said that I need to start the papers or he is just going to begin to settle his life in Egypt; in that case, the relationship would be over. I do not know what to do: I would like for him to come to America and see how we would be together here but the visa makes it where we would have to marry within 90 days, and I feel unsure.

Also, I do not have my life settled yet. He said that is okay because he will not depend on me since he has family here and he wants to start getting accustomed as soon as possible so I could depend on him in the near future, God willing, but again, I cannot think clearly.

Any advice is welcome.

This is a very difficult decision to make, but marriage is a holy sacrament and a lifelong commitment, so you should not feel rushed at all. The only way that you will feel some peace with your decision is if you spend more time together in the same city. If you can take time off from your responsibilities, perhaps you can go to Egypt and see if there is a real relationship between you. You must be spiritually, intellectually, socially, and economically compatible. The 90-day period in the US for a fiancÚ visa is very brief. It is possible that it may give you a better understanding of his temperament, but can also give you a false sense of security, if both or either of you effectively mask the real person, which could be detrimental in the future. I strongly recommend that you pace yourself well, pray with sincerity, and take as long as you need to be assured that he is the right husband for you. In the meantime, continue to communicate often so you can get to know each other better. May the Lord guide you and reveal His will in your life regarding this matter.
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