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I am so depressed, frustrated, and not sure what to do next. I lost a lot of money, good times for nothing, sold my car, sold my apartment, and spent my father savings thinking I am investing and that this will help me achieve my goals and fulfill my dreams. I applied to 250 programs coast to coast through the residency match for General Surgery, Neurosurgery, and ENT. I sent over 1000 emails seeking non-categorical pre-residency/fellowships positions, but I haven't received even a single interview. I feel that the work of many years has gone in vain and that my future is doomed with all doors closed! I do not have the energy to continue. There is nothing more that I can do. Should I go back home or stay quiet and do nothing to save further loses specially I cannot afford going in this way any further? Now I deeply feel these verses:"
For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it- lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish'?
" (Luke 14:28-30).
I have not been feeling happy lately. Even if I keep my spiritual cannon, I just feel empty inside. When I told my parents that I want to live on my own and they were upset and I felt guilty. Spiritually, I feel like everyone is moving forward but me. I do not see God's purpose for my life or His plan for me. I know God is a loving Father but I feel that my relationship with Him has not been one of love but as a ruler that I need to do certain things or otherwise He will be against me. I know this is not correct but I do not know how to feel the love of God when I constantly feel that He is upset with me because I constantly feel guilty about something. Also, the decision on the job and whether or not I should live with my parents has made things worse.
In many ways, I have suffered all my life from the consequences of the sexual abuse I experienced from a relative. My marriage is a failure. Although we never fight, and we respect each other very much, my husband probably does not know that I could care less if I lived another day with him or not. Deep in my heart, I respect him and wish him all the best always. He is a kind man, but he is also someone who never reached my heart or felt my needs and weaknesses. I am now 43, middle age, and I am deeply depressed. We never had children because I could not conceive, and he did not care to pursue this matter. I am depressed and lonely. All that is on my mind is one of two options: 1) I want a divorce and to just live alone. I do not have any interest in having another relationship. I just want to live alone because this is how I feel in life. I feel lonely. 2) I would rather if God took me now and not later. Of course, I am not about to do either of these two options. I have a father of confession and I share everything with him. He is a wise man, and does what he can. My question is, since I pray a lot, and God does not want to interfere yet, in His time I know, I made the decision to see a psychiatrist, and to seek some anti-depressant medicine. What do you think? I am constantly crying when I am alone, and I dread thinking about the future. I see no light, no hope, and no reason to go on. I have no idea why I continue in this life! How do you feel about anti-depressant medicines?
Is depression a clinical ailment caused by chemical imbalance in the brain, or is it a justifiable end result of drifting away from God? Should a person suffering from depression just go to the doctor or talk to their confessor father? Does the Coptic Church believe in the existence of depression?
My parents have been divorced for twelve years now. I am worried about my mother who lives in another state and suffers from clinical depression. She has unsuccessfully attempted suicide two times that I know of. She doesn't go to Church because she knows other people talk about her since they know she is divorced;and besides that, she had a few problems with some of the people. I know this is a somewhat complex situation & there's no easy answer. I would appreciate any advice you could give me.
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