> Spiritual Maturity
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Throughout my high school years, I began to change a lot and I was at the stage of getting closer to the church and to God. At that time I was friends with four other girls, who were typically going through the same changes and so we became close friends because we all had one interest (Tasbeha). As the high school years began to approach to an end, we began to become distant. Everyone began to grow up and change in manners. Their main interests were what college to attend and who will be their future husband. I began to love the abbey and most of my breaks would be dedicated to time there. It reached the point that we all ended up drifting and went our own ways. When I was in grade 12, I got really close with my Sunday School servant whom at the time was single and really loved serving and spending most of her time in church. She was 20 and I was only 17, so we got really close. However, when she got engaged last year, she began to drift and we never talk anymore. I was hurt that I lost a close friend, but I knew that marriage is part of life, and it will distance people. Last year, in a different city, I began from scratch in forming friendships. I ended up getting close to two girls. They both love the church and they also joined me twice in going to the abbey the last two summers. One of them recently got engaged. It upset me a lot because I remembered what happened to my servant when she got engaged. She still calls and I see her in the Liturgy, but I know sooner or later she will also begin her own life and move on. My main friends in my home town are four guys and in my new city are three guys. It now ends up being whenever I am done with exams here, the guys are the ones that call me up and I end up going out with all of them just because we all got so close since our interests revolves around hymns and church, etc. I am starting to feel lonely here and I want to go back home. At least when I am home, I got my family, but here, I really got no company. It is so weird because when I am at the abbey, I am all alone also but my feelings from inside are different. I enjoy it and it feels right. I am always happy there. At least when I am there, my interests are the same interests as the monks and it feels like I belong. Even though I do not have private conversations with them, it is just the idea of standing under one roof doing one thing that we all enjoy makes it special and makes me feel like I belong somewhere. Growing up is not much fun when you are growing up around people who are going in the opposite direction than you are. When I look at who I go to whenever I am happy, upset, nervous, etc., it ends up being a church servant and then my parents just because what I have inside can not be just shared with "friends". For everyone else, it is their time for marriage. Did you ever go through what I am experiencing right now?
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