I've lost my virginity and regret it everyday. I've decided that I am going to wait till marriage to have sex again and to start getting closer to my faith. I know the first step is to confess my sins, but I feel like I can't bring myself to do it because of the amount of shame I'll feel telling my father of confession. He has watched me grow up and has known me since I was a child. I feel like I will never find the courage to confess out of embarrassment and guilt. I also fear that I will repeat my sin again. What advice can you give?
Pre-marital sex is a serious matter. It requires spiritual counseling and absolution through which only your confession father can provide. Without revelation of this sin through the Holy Mystery of Confession, you will not be able to partake of the Holy Eucharist. Unfortunately, having had sexual experiences, you are likely to continue to crave more of these inappropriate encounters. Before you succumbed to losing your virginity, it is presumable that you have had other sexual encounters that may not have culminated with intercourse. Had you revealed these encounters to your confession father, losing your virginity may have been circumvented.
Fear and embarrassment are tools the devil uses to dissuade people from repenting and confessing their sins. He knows that this Holy Mystery sweeps your record clean before God and allows you to build a stronger relationship with Him. The Holy Mystery of Confession is your spiritual weapon and shield from demonic attacks.
There are prayers in the Agpeya for repentance and confession. Read them and meditate on them. This will help you find the words and courage to go to your confession father in humility.
Think about all the people who reached sainthood because of their repentance of the sins they committed against their bodies:
+ St. Mary of Egypt
+ St. Augustine
+ St. Paeesa
+ The Woman Caught in Adultery
+ The Woman at Simon the Pharisee's House Who Wept and Kissed The Lord's Feet
+ Rahab the Harlot (who is mentioned in the genealogy of our Lord Jesus Christ)