Best Mother/Daughter-in-laws Relationships

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"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place" (2 Corinthians 2:14).

For thousands of years, parents controlled their children's marital affairs. They helped their children find the suitable bride that the family and the child would learn to love (Abraham sent his servant to the city of Nahor to find a suitable daughter–in-law for his son Isaac). Also the parents had the last word and if they thought this union wasn't in the family's best interest, the child had to agree with their decision.

Then came the idea of independence and free will and that the children should be able to make their own choices including whom to marry. Then unity between two different families who are different in culture and social life started to merge.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Without doubt, this moment is the happiest and the hardest moment for the in-laws' lives, when they know in this moment they have to release and let go of their children to someone else (like a hard farewell) so they can establish their own life together.

The reality is, marriage is not between two people but rather it is the unity between two different families. We need to realize that being different is not a bad thing for despite cultured and social differences, it does not mean that one is the right way and the other is the wrong way. Instead they should learn to adapt themselves and learn to embrace whom God has brought into their lives.

"Entreat me not to leave you or turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God" (Ruth 1:16).

Do you ever wonder why God put the book of Ruth into the Holy Bible? There are so many lessons in this book that God wanted us to learn. But the most challenging lesson God wanted to stress is the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.

Through generation after generation we hear about how difficult it is for the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law to get along. God wanted to give us an example to help us remember that nothing is impossible if your heart is full of love toward Him. Also when you obey God's words you will be blessed by Him.

When we look at Naomi's life:

Naomi was a Jewish woman and from a wealthy family, who had to leave her home in Bethlehem, Judah and live in the country of Moab
Naomi's husband died and she was left with her two sons
Naomi's sons married women of Moab
Naomi's sons died

Despite all the religious, cultural, and generational gaps in which can bring a lot of conflict, differences expectations, and communication difficulties, she and her daughters-in-law became friends. Naomi loved her daughters-in-law and was concerned for them. She did not want them to feel obligated to accompany her back to her own country. Then we see that Naomi's concern was equaled by Ruth's concern for her.

This relationship required lots of determination, lots of sacrifice, great unselfishness, compassion and generosity from both parties. And it made us realize that without Naomi's and Ruth's love and friendship they could never have entered into God's destiny for her to be in the line of our Lord Jesus Christ.

"Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another, love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing" (1 Peter 3:8-9).

Let us keep in mind that love is an act of the will not a result of emotions. For when love flows from treating one another kindly, it only gets stronger and sweeter over time.

Somehow as much as we hope we can have a perfect relationship we will be more than likely to sometimes step on each others' toes. But if we can lovingly, correctly and quickly deal with conflicts and if we are willing to show mercy by offering and accepting forgiveness for things done in a moment of ignorance, and do not allow it to build up, we can avoid devastating consequences.

Some Practical Ideas for the Mothers-in-Law

Pray for the young couple's life together
Be loving
Do not be judgmental
Avoid criticism
Be patient and give them time to adjust
Remember what it is like to be on the receiving end of unkind words
Learn to approach conflicts with wisdom
Do not meddle in their affairs
Learn how to support and encourage
Help your son to treat his wife better by praising her in his presence
Treat her like your daughter (small gift, birthday card)
Compliment her every chance you get (her taste of clothing, her cooking, her character)
Do not compare her to your own daughter or others
Do not set to many expectations for her to meet
Respect her way of doing things
Keep your boundaries (learn not to give advice unless they request it or it is a vital situation)
Keep your words to a minimum and use them wisely (containing your tongue)

Some Practical Ideas for the Daughters-in-Law

Pray for your in-laws
Be loving and kind
Be patient
Be yourself and relax
Praise your husband in front of your in-laws
Do not compare your mother-in-law to your mother
Be teachable
Seek to understand differing viewpoints
Let her know how much you appreciate her (when she baby sits your kids, when she does something special for you and her son...)
Make sure to include her in holidays or special celebrations
Recognize that making peace with your mother-in-law can create a better life for you and your husband

"For he who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking guile; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayers" (1 Peter 3:10-12).

Finally, we can say we are sorry all we want but we can not take back the words that have been spoken. The best way is to keep our words in our mouths and controlling our tongues learn to put the words of our Lord in our daily life. We can avoid so much sin in our lives and open the door of blessing instead.

Written by
Nagwa Abdou